Reader Question - The Right Time

Good evening.  Tonight I want to address a question I have gotten a few times from blog readers.  

Q:  How did you know when it was the right time to place Tyler in a residential home?

A:  First of all, I believe "the right time" concept is a bit of a myth.  In our world, the circumstances changed and evolved almost daily.  In fact, trying to choose the right time for anything with Tyler is kind of like shooting darts, while blindfolded, and riding a mechanical bull.  Sure you will hit something, but it probably won't be what you were aiming for.

I do believe the first step for us was knowing that we had reached our ability and emotional ceiling.  That fact in combination with looking at Tyler and sensing that he had also hit a plateau in his growth, made us realize that it was time to start looking at a change.  

This next part is important and I say this with total conviction.....we were also not in control of everything that was about to happen.  We had set some wheels in motion by having our case manager look into different options.  It was like rolling a ball down a hill and watching it take different bounces and turns.  We were also trying to show some faith that Tyler would be ok because there is a plan for him.  With each bounce and turn we reacted accordingly but we kept letting the ball continue on down that hill.  We were committed to letting things take their course.

So to answer the question; we didn't know.  But we read the signs as honestly as we could and started to shift our course.  Once we did that, things began to fall into place. It wasn't a definitive day and time that a decision was made, but rather a progression of events, bounces and curves, that led us to a clearer path.  

My advice is, don't think of a decision like that in an all-or-nothing way, but rather think about where you want to end up and take that first step to start the ball in motion.  If you have faith, and you allow things to take their course, you might well be surprised at how far it takes you.

Be well and God bless.   Tom