Boundaries

I would like to tell you the tale of two children.  Both have extremely different needs where it comes to the subject of boundaries.

First, there is Tyler.  Tyler's need is to maintain what he feels are his healthy boundaries.  To do this he decides what he is comfortable with, and he reacts according to how the rest of the world adheres to it.  His boundaries are like an invisible force field that protects him. Other boundaries are deeply rooted in his routines each day.  I don't blame him for wanting to do this, because he seems to understand that the world is much more complex than what he is able to process.  He uses these routines to simplify his life, and allow him a sense of predictability and control.  

As his parents, our job is to make sure he learns its ok to push those boundaries.  He needs to be comfortable that just because something is new, it doesn't mean that it is to be feared. It becomes a game of trial and error for the most part.  We had some epic successes with him finding new things he likes (bocce, basketball, ski ball, watching baseball) and we had some epic failures too.  I don't regret those failures and I never will.  Without those failures, we would have never found the successes that we did.  As long as Tyler was safe, and there was no risk of emotionally setting him backward, we felt the reward was worth the risk. Some of those activities are still very much a rewarding part of his life today, even years later.  

Then there is Sam.  Her job as a typical child is to push every button and boundary known to man, and our job is to somehow try to keep some structure around her.  It's literally the polar opposite parental experience.  The perspective I have seen from both sides is extremely interesting.

Us to Tyler:  "Why don't you play with a different toy instead of this one for the last 4 hours?"

Us to Sam:  "How could you possibly have 20 toys scattered on the floor in 2 minutes?!?"

Both instances tell us just how important boundaries are to ALL children.  Whether we are trying to break through them, or build them, as parents we have to realize their incredible importance to the children's development.

Be well and God bless.   Tom