Public Behavior

Good Evening!

When Tyler becomes highly emotional, whether in a good way or a negative way, his voice volume increases.  Because he does not have a feel for what is appropriate in public, and what is not, it can be an additional element to have to handle while away.

I thought of this subject because one of my previous posts involved Landon and his triumph jumping into the pool last week.  Unfortunately, last night was the polar opposite for him.  He was not going to jump into that pool even if his hair was on fire.  He eventually needed a little help to show he could really do it, and let's just say he was very vocal about the whole thing not going as he had planned.  

I've been there more times than I care to remember.  As the parent in that spot I felt as though the entire place goes silent, and my child is 10 times louder than a sonic boom.  I felt like everyone stopped to look and was gasping in horror!  Maybe that lady over there is calling the cops to report me to CPS!  

After being in that position for many years, my outlook on this has evolved.  First, I realized that what was in my head was much worse than what was actually going on.  People are so involved with their own lives and cell phones that they don't notice things that are important much less what Ty and I are up to.  It's also not as loud and disruptive as it seems. Secondly, many of the people who are watching may be more understanding and sympathetic than you think.  Thirdly, if there are people with a total lack of understanding and consideration, it isn't overly important for them to be in my corner anyway.

With all that said, I do believe that I have a responsibility to the general public too.  What I ask myself is "is Ty's noise/behavior causing a genuine disturbance to other people"?  If the answer is yes, then it is up to me to either resolve his issue or remove him from the situation.  If the answer is no, then I believe he is free to be himself.

In Landon's case, we were in a large pool building with tons of adults and kids moving around and chattering.  In that environment nobody is expecting to have quiet meditation time or anything like that.  So the fact that Landon got very vocal was not (in my opinion) hurting anybody.  Those that did notice appeared to me to be sympathetic to the situation. So in this environment, or a loud pizza place, or an outdoor venue, or a mall, etc. I'm less likely to feel concerned unless things got way out of hand.  If ever we took Tyler to a place where noise could be disruptive, like a quiet restaurant, office, etc. we would be more likely to take measures to maintain peace.

I remember a few years ago there was an issue with an autistic child being very disruptive in a restaurant, and the parents were asked to leave because everyone was being inconvenienced.  The parents at that time took the position that their child was wronged because he has the same right to that restaurant as everyone else.  While I didn't disagree with that sentiment, I think that right stops when it genuinely infringes on someone else's rights to enjoy a meal they paid money for as well.  We have the same responsibility to others as others have to us.  It can't be one-sided.

So, for me, this discussion has everything to do with context.  Landon may have been loud but it didn't cause any loss of enjoyment for anyone.  Tyler liked to be noisy in the mall or in a loud place and we kept it relatively in check.  We generally avoided libraries and extremely quiet public places since those places bored him anyway.  But if we felt we had to, we would remove Tyler so that other's had their right to quiet when it's appropriate.

Landon's and Tyler's vocalizations are their ways to talk to us.  We are blessed to have any means to hear our boys.  So long as it isn't causing a real problem, it's music to my ears.

Be well and God bless.    Tom