My Talk With Tyler

Good Evening!

Hope everyone is having a terrific Sunday.  We had a great time at church today as always. Pastor Dave graced us with his drum skills during the first part of the service, and we got to see our Tyler for a few minutes toward the end.  Now we are planning a dinner with Tyler on Wednesday night where we will have him and his staffer ride along with us to see how Tyler reacts to being transported in our car.  Should be interesting!

One of my favorite things about attending our church is the fellowship among the congregation.  There are always lots of handshakes, hugs, conversation, and humor.  I'm sure if someone were to study the demeanor and body language of the church-goers involved in the interactions, they would find everyone to be very genuine and sincere in their affection of one another.

As I've stated on other occasions, Tyler enjoys his time at church and is generally very friendly and accepting of those around him.  He does not, from what I see, find them to be a threat to his delicate balance.  I feel that this is a very important point to examine.

Tyler depends on his instincts when deciding how he feels about someone.  You can see him examining a person's tone and body language because he doesn't understand all the words.  I would equate this to someone who cannot hear very well, and relies on lip-reading to fill in the gaps of what they aren't picking up on.  He can feel a person's disposition.  It's an amazingly perceptive skill which we noticed early on.

So I would talk to Tyler even when he didn't understand the words I was saying.  I will never know exactly what words bring meaning to him, but I do know he can feel some of what is being said by how it is presented.  It helps him to establish what is safe and what is a potential threat.  I could say "well he doesn't understand what I'm saying anyway" but this just isn't the case.  To him, communication is a broad brush he paints with.  

That is the thing that I want to impress upon all caregivers today.  Even if you don't believe that special person can understand the words, talk to them anyway.  Use a genuine and open demeanor.  Smile and use body language that relays openness.  Never assume that your words are meaningless, because this is likely not true.  And even if it is, they still have a meaning that could be instinctual on another lever.

When we made the decision to be Ty's guardian and declare him incapacitated, I took him on a walk and told him that we were going to do that.  I felt like he deserved that respect as a person to hear what was decided for him.  I told him how very much we loved him and felt it to be our most important mission to make sure we secured his future the best way we possibly could.  

Parents, caregivers, staff....talk to your special person.  Don't be concerned about what they may or may not understand, because in most cases we will never truly know.  But even when they don't understand the words, they can understand whats in your heart.

Be well and God bless.    Tom