Aggression 4

A very nice lady asked me yesterday if I had any advice for parents that have a younger child that seemly is becoming more aggressive.  It seemed ironic since this week my blog entries have centered on this very subject.  In my experience here are a few things that come to mind:

1.  Do NOT feel ashamed.  Don't try to hide it from everyone else

2.  Do NOT blame yourself.  You are not a bad person or a bad parent.  You are not being "punished"

3.  Sound the alarm to your doctors.  This may be an issue that can be dealt with through medication, therapy, or other methods.  Unless you impress upon them that something is happening, the proper help will not come

4.  Find out what resources are available.  When the aggression escalates you have to realize you are in over your head.  The sooner you have help on board the better
5.  Do NOT wait.  These issues rarely get better on their own and can rarely be "fixed" without professional intervention

6.  Keep your emotions in check.  Its very hard but you must remain stable.  Don't escalate the issue by trying to go "toe to toe" with the aggression.  Nothing good comes out of escalation

7.  Have safe ways of de-escalation.  There are techniques that can bring the temperature down on a situation.  Therapists can help with this

8.  Safety first.  Try very hard to ensure all parties are in the safest circumstances possible

9.  Do NOT take it personally (easier said then done but try).  When love doesn't work love them even more

10.  Lastly, do NOT try to apply rational wisdom to irrational situations.  You have to think outside the box.  Think about what the child is seeing, hearing, and feeling to find the possible triggers

Nobody will laugh....you won't be judged.....you should not be ashamed.  If anyone does this they are not part of your team anyway.  

Be well and God bless.    Tom