Scary Halloween Story

It's not a story about ghosts or vampires.....it's....it's.....autism on Halloween!!!  Boo!

A perfectly understandable yet ridiculous habit we had in this house was to think through our own eyes where it came to things like Halloween.  Of course we wanted our child to have "normal" experiences and this was no exception.  

So here is what WE thought:  Let's get a really cute costume for Tyler and put him in it. Then we will walk him up to the neighbors door, have him knock and say "trick or treat" and he will get some candy.  We can take some pictures and make sure the relatives see him in his cute outfit.  He will love getting outside and seeing some people!

Here is what HE thought:  WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THIS STUPID THING ON OVER MY CLOTHES?  DON'T EVEN THINK OF PUTTING THAT MAKE-UP AND HAT ON ME.  IT'S NIGHTTIME AND I HAVE NO BUSINESS WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK WITH MY POOR BALANCE WHEN I CAN'T SEE!  KNOCK ON THIS DOOR?  AND....THEY ANSWER AND WE DON'T GO IN?  SURE I WILL HAND THEM MY PUMPKIN.  THAT'S NOT RIGHT? HERE IS A KICK TO THE SHIN TO REMIND YOU I HATE NOT KNOWING WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING!!

Every year this lasted about 3 houses and we all had enough.  And the next year we wrestled with the question of whether to do it all over again.  I'm not being too hard on us, after all we were just trying to give him everything we could.  Our intentions were right.  Our heart was in the right place.

But we were really missing the point.  With the autism spectrum it's most important to see the world from their eyes.  Either do something they will truly get some reward from, or make them comfortable while you do something you want to do, or don't do it at all.  We were doing the classic "jamming a square peg into a round hole" which served no one.  In retrospect we were concerned with what we felt we should be doing rather than what was really making sense for him.  Obviously no permanent damage done, but it is definitely a metaphor for life on the spectrum.

The important lesson is that you will be happier and the loved one you care for will be more happy if you follow that rule I wrote a minute ago:  either the activity should fit their wants/needs, they can be comfortably maintained on the perimeter of the activity, or you don't do it at all.  That said, I am NOT discouraging trying new things!  I'm saying if you have tried something and it is obvious that the activity falls outside of their emotional, mental, or physical ability, refer to rule I suggestes above.

Be well, God bless, and have a great spooky season!