Good morning!
Today is a very challenging day in America. There is a lot of emotion. Some of it is good and some of it is not-so-good. Such is so many things in our lives. But I think I have a very important message today for all of us regardless of how we feel right this minute:
Life and love begin at the very core of us. Everything begins and ends with how we recognize and embrace ourselves. We have to recognize our amazing gifts and find the ability to give them a voice. Within our core we must find peace, joy, and contentment. There must be a core faith which sustains us and levels us.
We are also a direct reflection of how we treat others. We teach our children how to love and how to be loved. It is by giving them security that we secure our future. It is supremely important that we treat our spouses as a cherished and respected partner. The kind of friend we are and the kind of neighbor we are is what we ultimately control. It is even matters what kind of "stranger" we are. Do we treat people with kindness when we interact with them every day?
The world is not this big round thing but rather many small things put together. We have complete control of our own little piece, which is the beauty of it all. It doesn't matter, nor should it matter, who is in this office, or that office. What matters....TRULY MATTERS...is that we are the best Mother, Father, Teacher, Poet, Friend, Painter, Brother, Son, Neighbor, that we can be. THAT is how the world REALLY changes. We should never look to anyone to solve our problems for us, not a politician, not a school, not church. But rather we must recognize that we have been given those gifts already and it is up to us to use them. And that we contribute to that political process, that school, and that church.
We must remember what really, really matters today regardless of how we feel about those things we cannot control. That faith, love, compassion, and hope are what matters. These are things we can control and exercise every day. These are the things that will sustain us through anything and everything. These are the things that will follow us throughout eternity.
Remember today to begin at the very core of who you are. Be well and God bless. Tom
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Monday, November 7, 2016
One Year Anniversary
It was one year ago today that Tyler moved into his residential home. On that day we woke up and waded into the unknown.
There was a tremendous amount of anxiety knowing that we were making a decision that would change Tyler's life forever. On that morning it would have been easy to have turned the car around a hundred times. We could have just headed for the beach to hide for a while. The loudspeaker playing in my head was switching stations ranging from the "did I do everything I could" channel to the "24-hour guilt" channel. Tyler sat right next to me in the car not able to know or understand what was about to happen. It was as though the world was moving in slowly motion.
The one thing that we had to fall back on was that we had to have faith in the plan that we had so carefully developed. We had to trust that we had made decisions that were sound and coming from our hearts. Thinking this way was the only hope I had of getting through that day. It was the only hope I had to not break down.
So here we are a year later. Tyler has proven that he could be happy in the right home. Our daughter has acclimated to having full run of the house. And everyone has learned to live very different but fulfilling lives.
When we, as caregivers, are about to make tremendously important decisions we have to do our homework. Decisions should be made with as little emotional interference as we possibly can. Preparation and sound judgement is everything. And most importantly once there is a plan we have to have faith and stay the course.
May the next year be as successful as the last. Be well and God bless. Tom
Saturday, November 5, 2016
Inspiration is Everywhere
Good afternoon!
I've written many times that we have to keep our eyes open because there are inspiring people everywhere. And not every lesson for us comes from other caregivers.
Case in point was my flight home last night. After a very, very long day of working and flying I boarded the last 75 minute flight for home. A few minutes later a lady sat next to me looking about as weary as I was. I joking asked her if she was going to cause any trouble during the flight and she smiled and said she would consider it but its really too late at night to get too out-of-hand. With that we introduced ourselves and began a chat which wouldn't end until we reached our destination gate.
As we took off our conversation had gone from where we spent the week, what we do for a living, and then our families. As usual I told some of my favorite stories about Tyler and our experiences especially over the last year. To her credit she managed to stay awake through them all. I can't tell you for sure how much of an impression I made on her, but hearing her story made quite an impression on me.
After listening to my experiences and stories she explained that she is the Mom to 2 extraordinary children. Each one with the strength to pursue their passions in life. The pride in her voice was unmistakable when she described how both of them developed into successful and contributing adults. What makes this so inspiring was the fact that she was forced to raise her children alone after the sudden passing of her husband. Through such unbelievable loss she and her children banded together and not only figured out how to survive, but how to live fulfilling lives. She continued her own education and now works to prolong the lives of people suffering from cancer.
As she told her story, so many things resonated through her words. We have to live our lives without guarantees of any kind. And no matter what does happen we have to figure out how to always move forward even after getting knocked backward. And perhaps most importantly that we model the right messages for our children.
Sometimes all of us, regardless of our circumstance, need a reminder of messages like these. As I always say, we have to LISTEN to the messages around us all the time. If I had just thrown my headphones on and ignored everyone I would have never had the honor to meet such an amazing person with so much poise, grace, and determination. It made me step back and think about how I want Samantha to view me as her Father.
Be well and God bless. Tom
I've written many times that we have to keep our eyes open because there are inspiring people everywhere. And not every lesson for us comes from other caregivers.
Case in point was my flight home last night. After a very, very long day of working and flying I boarded the last 75 minute flight for home. A few minutes later a lady sat next to me looking about as weary as I was. I joking asked her if she was going to cause any trouble during the flight and she smiled and said she would consider it but its really too late at night to get too out-of-hand. With that we introduced ourselves and began a chat which wouldn't end until we reached our destination gate.
As we took off our conversation had gone from where we spent the week, what we do for a living, and then our families. As usual I told some of my favorite stories about Tyler and our experiences especially over the last year. To her credit she managed to stay awake through them all. I can't tell you for sure how much of an impression I made on her, but hearing her story made quite an impression on me.
After listening to my experiences and stories she explained that she is the Mom to 2 extraordinary children. Each one with the strength to pursue their passions in life. The pride in her voice was unmistakable when she described how both of them developed into successful and contributing adults. What makes this so inspiring was the fact that she was forced to raise her children alone after the sudden passing of her husband. Through such unbelievable loss she and her children banded together and not only figured out how to survive, but how to live fulfilling lives. She continued her own education and now works to prolong the lives of people suffering from cancer.
As she told her story, so many things resonated through her words. We have to live our lives without guarantees of any kind. And no matter what does happen we have to figure out how to always move forward even after getting knocked backward. And perhaps most importantly that we model the right messages for our children.
Sometimes all of us, regardless of our circumstance, need a reminder of messages like these. As I always say, we have to LISTEN to the messages around us all the time. If I had just thrown my headphones on and ignored everyone I would have never had the honor to meet such an amazing person with so much poise, grace, and determination. It made me step back and think about how I want Samantha to view me as her Father.
Be well and God bless. Tom
Saturday, October 29, 2016
Free Concert
Good evening!
Tyler's residential agency is sponsoring a concert where there will be great music and fellowship. There will be great accommodations for special needs folks and caregivers, but everyone is encouraged to attend!!
Tyler's residential agency is sponsoring a concert where there will be great music and fellowship. There will be great accommodations for special needs folks and caregivers, but everyone is encouraged to attend!!
Love and prayers to everyone involved in such a wonderful event and ensuring that all of our community can attend.
When I see this event it reminds me how much better our world is when we are united. How much kinder our world is when we work to care for those who are truly in need. How beautiful our world is when we give what is in our hearts rather than being divided by hatred.
Be well and God bless. Tom
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
Introducing CAN
Good Evening!
I have been very humbled by the numbers of people worldwide that this blog has reached. As a caregiver for 25 years, and gotten to know many other parents along the way, it has become clear that there is a gap between caregivers and agencies. My personal belief is that with money and personnel at such a premium, the resources must go directly to the care of the children. Unfortunately the result is that this leaves parents to feel their way through the dark. This can cause caregivers to become frustrated and children to miss out on the level of care that they desperately need.
With this is mind, I have founded the Caregiver Advocates Network (CAN). The mission is to narrow the gap by placing important information on the website www.mycaregivers.org
The immediate goal is to use the website to create a directory of service providers in the local area so caregivers can more quickly identify who to reach out to. Another goal is to create meetings with caregivers to find out what information and services they are in the most need of, and then to take action to post the answers. Also on the immediate list is to attend agency meetings and symposiums to represent the caregiver point-of-view.
The blog will continue to run with posts specific to Tyler and our family's experiences. The website www.mycaregivers.org will be centered on advocating for the caregivers of the local area. There is also a link off of the website to reach Tyler's blog to make it more convenient.
Again, thank you for your support and please feel free to visit the website as well!
Be well and God bless. Tom
I have been very humbled by the numbers of people worldwide that this blog has reached. As a caregiver for 25 years, and gotten to know many other parents along the way, it has become clear that there is a gap between caregivers and agencies. My personal belief is that with money and personnel at such a premium, the resources must go directly to the care of the children. Unfortunately the result is that this leaves parents to feel their way through the dark. This can cause caregivers to become frustrated and children to miss out on the level of care that they desperately need.
With this is mind, I have founded the Caregiver Advocates Network (CAN). The mission is to narrow the gap by placing important information on the website www.mycaregivers.org
The immediate goal is to use the website to create a directory of service providers in the local area so caregivers can more quickly identify who to reach out to. Another goal is to create meetings with caregivers to find out what information and services they are in the most need of, and then to take action to post the answers. Also on the immediate list is to attend agency meetings and symposiums to represent the caregiver point-of-view.
The blog will continue to run with posts specific to Tyler and our family's experiences. The website www.mycaregivers.org will be centered on advocating for the caregivers of the local area. There is also a link off of the website to reach Tyler's blog to make it more convenient.
Again, thank you for your support and please feel free to visit the website as well!
Be well and God bless. Tom
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