Tyler is Struggling

Tyler is struggling.  

A few weeks ago his demeanor turned sour.  Right now he is basically unhappy with everything and everybody.  So much progress that had been made with healthy interactions has been lost once again.  

Obviously the worst part is that my son feels bad.  Something is wrong and I am powerless to fix it.  I have passed on a few ideas of what my be contributing to his mood, but without his ability to give us feedback, it is simply a crap shoot.  Its akin to when a baby cries and cries but every remedy you try just leads to more crying.  Only with Tyler when he is miserable he can effect those around him in the same way.  He becomes very difficult, almost defiant.  It's so sad because that is NOT who he is.  Tyler is my grinning young man.  He is reacting to something that is way off.  Is it physical?  Perhaps something like a UTI or allergies?  Is it a form of depression that he can slip into?  The truth is that we just don't know.  

What is happening is not exclusive to the special needs parent.  There are parents right now, reading this, that are watching their children struggle.  Perhaps it is a problem with addiction and their child cannot find their way out of it.  Or maybe it is dealing with depression, bi-polar, or schizophrenia.  Worse yet, perhaps there are parents dealing with a child that has been lost in one way or another.

As Tyler's parent I still feel responsible for his happiness.  I still feel that I have to figure out how to make him fit better into this world.   I have to reach out to him and make it all work out, somehow, some way.  It's my job to have those answers!  Meanwhile...my heart breaks at the reality of the situation.  I don't have superpowers any more than his caregivers do.  We are all rowing the same boat looking for an answer that we may not ever have the ability to figure out.

When Tyler struggles, I struggle.  Its a struggle to stay on task and continue to move forward with life.  Of course my brain tells me that things will turn around, and that we have a great staff, and that I need to have faith and keep moving forward.  But my heart still bleeds.  And as long as he is unhappy, I can't be happy.

And so it goes for parents who care for their children with all of our heart and soul.  We go on to work and concentrate as hard as we can, knowing a piece of us is not quite there.  We smile or laugh, and sometimes have brief moments where the sadness goes away, but it doesn't last.  We hold onto hope that the next day will hold the very answer we are looking for.  We hold faith in one hand and doubt in the other, wondering why our child is made to suffer.  We question what purpose our child's pain could possible serve.  We struggle.

For those of you joining along side of us in our struggle, we feel your pain.  We pray for you and your children.  We have to keep believing that in this world, or in the hereafter we will find peace for our children and peace for ourselves.  

The struggle doesn't last forever.  It can't.

Be well and God bless.   Tom