Dear Sam

Dear Sam,

I know things weren't easy for you in the beginning.  It was hard to watch you wanting to do things but having to make concessions for your big brother.  I want you to know that even during the times you were disappointed I was proud of the way you handled it.  It seemed like even at a very young age you understood that you had to put the needs of the family before your own.  But even as you struggled to understand how everything works, you had a compassion and love for him that only a strong and beautiful person could have.  It is not fondly that I remember how you would scurry under the kitchen table when you realized Tyler was entering the room without me.

Remembering these things makes it all the more special to have spent the time together last week in Florida.  Giving you wonderful and loving memories of your growing up is extremely important to me.  I want for you to understand the lessons of putting other's needs before your own, but also to feel that your happiness is important as well.  

Like most Dad's walking this earth, I wish I could be perfect and I am far from it.  Raising a typical child in the typical world is a tremendous challenge, and with your Mom and I only having experience in raising a non-typical child before you, we are feeling our way through. If you every wonder if we know what we are doing, the answer is "not really...but we are trying".

We measured our success with Tyler in how his basic needs were cared for.  Did he eat well, sleep ok, get some exercise, go to the bathroom ok, and not have any meltdowns?  Then it was a good day.  Let's hope for another one tomorrow.  With you it's much different and more complex.  The basics are not such a concern because you can help attend to most of those yourself.  The concerns are if you are getting homework done, being treated ok, treating others well, learning to be a good friend, and learning the lessons of life in a way that is appropriate for a 10-year-old.  Its hard to measure!  And for most of these things we won't truly know until you become an adult and start applying lessons in your own life.

Then I look at this picture......

Perhaps this picture tells me what I need to know.  I can see in your face the true joy you are experiencing.  There is no sign of a little girl ducking for cover under a table, or struggling to understand how she fits into her brothers world.  This is a young lady who knows who she is and is truly happy.  She is brave.  And she trusts that when she spreads her wings she will be able to fly.  

My wish for you is that you continue to grow and experience the world.  But never forget who you really are.  Never forget that feeling of empathy and compassion that you have for your brother.  Be willing to appreciate what you have, but don't be afraid to challenge the system and ask for more. Never forget that I, your Mom, and your big brother love you with all of our hearts.  You are unique and special. And most of all....smile.  Smile every day like you did on this day.

Be well and God bless.    Tom