My Honor to Honor Him

A week ago I attended the funeral of a terrific lady who I considered extended family.  She was 90 years young and had what appeared to be a very long life of love and family.  There were stories of places she traveled, and experiences she shared with her loved ones.  The service was very nice.  The thought I had as I sat with her immediate family was how clearly they were paying respect and honoring her that day.  She was surrounded by flowers, family photos, and a few small items that were precious to her in life.  I thought my mom and dad 2.0 did an incredible job in the closing phases of her life.  It can't be an easy task to do justice to 90 years of living in one service, and they did it elegantly.

It made me think about my relationship to Tyler.  Obviously I love him as my son, but what I have discovered is that there is an extreme amount of importance to him being honored as a person.  In other words, there is an element where I understand my role in protecting his rights as a man.  It is left to many of us, but I especially feel responsible for being a steward to what is important to his wellness.

I also happened to be watching a documentary last night which showed caregivers making incredibly difficult decisions for their loved ones.  One gentlemen said:  "I promised to always be right".  It struck me how profoundly that statement summed up the feelings of a caregiver making life-and-death decisions.  There is the constant battle between giving in to emotions, and doing what is best based on facts and evidence.

I imagine that every caregiver is just like me...flawed.  I find it very easy to make my own mistakes and poor judgments no matter how hard I try to avoid normal pitfalls.  But I've always made that promise to Tyler, that I would always be right where it concerned him.  Have a always been right?  Not even close.

But lets define what "right" really means.  After all, the outcome of our decisions are sometimes never known.  Or the outcomes can look different over time.  More often, there is both right AND wrong in each side of our decisions.  So what is right?  Right is looking you loved ones in the eye and saying, "what would you want for yourself?".  Right also means being willing to gather all of the facts, weighing the emotions, and having faith.  

Don't worry that every decision is right, because that is not achievable.  Instead, strive to make your heart and mind right when making those decisions.  Be right with yourself, be right in your faith, and be right with your loved one.  Then walk bravely in your choices, and don't look back.

Be well and God bless.  Tom