"Tired"

Good Evening!

I had a chance meeting this week with parents of a special need boy.  Their story was amazingly similar to our story.  As we talked they were very open about their feelings, one of those feelings being that they are "tired".

"Tired" in this context has a particular meaning.  It means "I've fought so hard for so long.  I don't sleep like normal people.  I don't go to the doctor like normal people.  I can't really complain to anyone because nobody understands.  I feel like this is going to be happening for the rest of my life and I'm losing hope for my future and their future.  I'm worn out from the anxiety and the worry for my special needs person.  And worst of all, I can't let my emotions show because I'm afraid of what they sound like".

This kind of tired is a description of mental, physical, and emotional exhaustion.  This was my experience for perhaps the last 3 - 5 years before Tyler moved into his new home.  At the time I thought it was just a thing to deal with.  Now I realize it was a serious warning sign.  A SERIOUS warning sign that must be dealt with.

When you reach this point you must find help from people that are trained to move you forward.  What follows is my advice on how to do that.

First, ask yourself what are the 3 biggest needs that you have within the situation.  If you are exhausted there are reasons.  List the "top 3".  Unless you identify and acknowledge the problems you cannot work to solve them.  Next, evaluate each need and list who is currently on your team that can or should be helping you with it.  If nobody fits the problem, you know you need to add a resource.  If those who should be helping with a problem are not effective, you need to exercise your options to make changes.  Next, reach out to those resources and clearly express the need and your expectation of what kind of help you want them to provide.  Now you can make a plan for each need.  If possible set some small goals and then some larger goals.  Finally, keep the plan flexible.  Just because plan A doesn't work out, and B burned in flames, KEEP WORKING!  Sometimes a failure points to a different plan for success.

You may be surprised at how this could jump start some positive changes.  It will help you confront your needs openly and express them more effectively.  You will also see that by being proactive and having a plan your attitude will become different.  There is little that is more poisonous to a caregiver than sitting on our hands hopelessly.  If you feel like this has happened, vow to retake control and get a plan in place.

Be well and God bless.   Tom