Trip to DC

The girls and I decided to try something new last weekend; we took a trip with friends to Washington DC for just the 3 of us.  This was quite a milestone for us as the 3 of us had never traveled together without Tyler.

We had a great time seeing the monuments, visiting Arlington Cemetery, going to Ford's Theater where Lincoln was shot, and visiting some museums.  We also walked to the White House and took some photos. 

Of course there were times we missed Tyler and even felt guilty about doing something without him.  I know he would have liked the walk outside around the monuments.  

But as I was thinking about him, a very important realization came to mind.  For the most part, the trip for him would have been stressful.  After all, Tyler does not understand who Lincoln, Kennedy, Washington, or any of the other presidents were.  The crowds of people would have made him anxious.  And the museums would have held no value to him and he would have become bored and irritable. When Tyler becomes anxious and irritable, I become anxious and irritable, and suddenly my thoughts are "how do we get through this?", versus having a good time.  Then, when Tyler is anxious, and I am anxious, it trickles down to everyone else.  


Instead, Tyler was at his home watching baseball, doing his activities, and doing his routine. He was happy and without stress. We were able to do some amazing sightseeing and allow ourselves some proper relaxation.  Samantha was able to enjoy just being herself.

So what was there to feel guilty about exactly?  Tyler had a great weekend being cared for by his professional caregivers. We experienced new things in a whole new way. It would have been great if we could have enjoyed the experience with him, and maybe that is what we feel badly about, but the reality of the situation is what must be realized.  We can't wish him to be with us for the sake of him being unhappy, stressed, and miserable. While we always tried to include him in things so we could be together as a family, in the end it really may not have been fair to him.  

I think sometimes guilt comes from believing that we SHOULD be feeling guilty.  But the healthiest thing for a caregiver to do is to be objective about the situation, and if you can honestly say that everyone is in the best situation possible at the time, that needs to be enough. To stop living and experiencing life because your person in need has had their lives change is fruitless and serves nothing.

Continue to live and love, because once your own life is gone, its gone.

Be well and God bless.   Tom