Beliefs

One of the most difficult struggles for me is understanding why Tyler has been brought into this world to experience the hardships that he does.  He will never know what its like to fall in love, own a house, have children, or hold a job.  In fact, most of what he know is an inner turmoil that mixes with fear and uncertainty.  He isn't able to talk,or read, or understand much of what happens around him.  After all, we probably only get ONE life here on earth, so why is his laid in ruin by autism?  And lets not stop there, but to ask why are children brought into this world in oppressed countries only to suffer and die from famine or disease?  Why are so many children lost to child slavery?  I struggle with this terribly.

Its hard to figure out where my hopes end and where true belief begins.  I want to believe that when Tyler passes from this life he will be fully restored in heaven.  I want to believe that he will be honored and respected, as will all of the children who suffered in this mortal life.  I want to believe that he will inherit a throne of gold and we will spend of all our eternity taking walks together and sharing the stories we hadn't gotten to share on earth.  

Is this what will really happen or is this simply something I reassure myself of so that I can sleep at night?  I know a guy who's dog died and now he believes his spirit visits him at night!  Now I'm pretty sure old fido is doing no better than to rot in the back yard somewhere, but thinking this makes him believe that the dog hasn't truly left him.  As long as the "ghost" is hanging around, he isn't really completely gone.  I see it as denial more than anything.  

Its not that I don't want to be a strong person with strong faith.  But I have experienced many years of harsh reality which makes me skeptical of my own beliefs.  It blurs the lines between faith and fantasy.

So what is the answer?  I suppose we won't know until we get there.  Tyler and all of our children deserve to inherit the earth.  They deserve to be kings and queens for all of the trials they have endured.  I wish it to be so.

Be well and God bless.    Tom