Taking Moderation in Moderation

Good Evening.

We did get to see Tyler on Sunday at church.  We didn't want to invade on his routine, so I slid over to sit beside him for the last 5 minutes of the service.  He seemed a bit less overwhelmed with this arrangement.  He smiled a bit and hugged me on the way out, but I could tell that he was more worried about his routine than he was about his dear old Dad.  It was still great to see him and hopefully this leads to more comfortable meetings there down the road.

Meanwhile I had a conversation with fellow special needs parent, Tonya, about the week each of us had.  We both had the same reaction, a cautiously optimistic outlook on recent events.  

A challenge I have as a caregiver is to keep my emotional reactions on a moderate plain. I'm insistent on giving my emotions a voice and trying to process them and experience them as events happen.  What I have not yet become good at is how to keep the highs and lows from getting too far from center.  My biggest issue is with the low periods.  

When Tyler is having things run pretty smoothly, I tend to have the attitude that things are one day at a time, and one hurdle at a time.  I will enjoy a good day today and we will see what tomorrow brings.  I don't allow myself to think too far ahead because who knows when the other shoe will drop.  Its really pessimism with lipstick and a fancy hat.  When things are running poorly I think its the end of the world and I have to obsess over it until I turn it around.  

This is what I believe to be one of the most difficult things about caregiving.  I feel like either a shoe has just dropped on my head or I'm waiting on the next one to.  That makes it hard to be comfortable even after a good day!  

So the question is, how do we learn from this?  How do we moderate our emotions so that the highs and lows do not stray to far from center?  I think this is where we need our outside influences for perspective.  Our regular visits to church can help to keep us spiritually grounded.  Our friends, families, and hobbies can help keep our emotions in check. Continued reading and research about our problems can help us to feel more informed. Support groups in person or on-line can give us emotional support.

One of my favorite lines by Billy Joel goes...."the good old days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems".  I think he is telling us that those extreme feelings are more in our mind than in reality.  

Perhaps all we can do is remind ourselves that moderation is the key to our emotions, and to reach out and use those tools when we go to extremes....

Be well and God bless.  Tom