-A poem by Tom Klinedinst
Hey wait world where are you?
My son needs your help
He's never been on Facebook
He has no need for Yelp
Wait world where are you?
We pay ballplayers by the ton
Millions to buy their loyalty
But not a morsel for my son
Hey world where are you?
There's cash to start up wars
We find money to kill us off
But there's none to open doors
Hey world where are you?
So many with so much need
But all we see is bigotry
And never ending greed
Hey world where are you?
You forget about the weak
As long as you have your share
You turn the other cheek
Hey world where are you?
We brag like we are great
Yet people go without a meal
Living in impoverished states
Hey world where are you?
When do we do our part?
Our vets are dying EVERY DAY
Unnoticed by the jaded heart
Hey there world it's time to stop
It's time to stand for what is right
It's time to set priorities
And vow to join the fight
God protects the weakest ones
And asks we do the same
When we fail the ones in need
We are failing everyone.
Be well and God Bless. Tom
Saturday, August 11, 2018
Sunday, August 5, 2018
5 Things I Learned as a Caregiver
Good Evening!
Tonight I was considering the things I learned as a caregiver. I came up with 5 things I probably would not have learned on my own had I not cared for Tyler.
#1- Being a caregiver separates those who really love you from each the pretenders. We have all heard that when the chips are down you find out who your friends are. Well...multiply that by 10 as a caregiver. The best example I have is my in laws. They freely admit that they are not specially equipped to care for a special needs person, and yet they put that aside and said they would use love and effort to be there for us any time we needed them. I could also call this point "I'd rather have 4 people who really loved me than 40 people who merely said they did"
#2- People are generally better than I gave them credit for. Over the last 25 years I have far and away seen more people go out of their way for Tyler than I ever imagined would. Most people will hold a door, lend a smile, or show support wherever they can. Of course I have come across some buttholes, but they are in the thin minority.
#3- If you don't become your own advocate you will be screwed. Every agency has 100 employees who knock door-to-door every day and tell special needs families what they are eligible for. You haven't seen one on your street? That's because it doesn't exist. It's up to US to ask questions, research, and claw for every benefit we can get. The more educated you make yourself, the better things will become.
#4- Being a team player pays off at every turn. I will be blunt here. Nobody does favors for an asshole. Think about it, we all have a neighbor who acts like a jerk, or a coworker, or a family member. Do we go out of our way to help them? No way. But similar people who help you or treat you kindly you will do anything for them. It's human nature. When you carry a kind and team-oriented attitude your special person will receive better care. The respect you give will be the respect given back to your special person.
#5- Your health matters...a lot. Even in the best of times, humans are generally fragile. Or fra-gee-lay if you have watched Christmas Story as often as I have. There is a balance that must be maintained or the body and mind will start to reject your personal plan and start going into business for itself. We can tell ourselves anything we like, but our body has a way of making decisions on its own.
The smartest people I know are the ones who do their very best and then once a situation is over will sit back and evaluate what they can use as teaching moments. They know when they need to be a changing force, and when they need to be willing to change for themselves.
Figure out as a caregiver what each experience is trying to teach you. Be willing to be open minded and accepting to where the story takes you. Above all else remember that we are serving another person, and their needs come before any personal feelings.
Be well and God bless. Tom
Tonight I was considering the things I learned as a caregiver. I came up with 5 things I probably would not have learned on my own had I not cared for Tyler.
#1- Being a caregiver separates those who really love you from each the pretenders. We have all heard that when the chips are down you find out who your friends are. Well...multiply that by 10 as a caregiver. The best example I have is my in laws. They freely admit that they are not specially equipped to care for a special needs person, and yet they put that aside and said they would use love and effort to be there for us any time we needed them. I could also call this point "I'd rather have 4 people who really loved me than 40 people who merely said they did"
#2- People are generally better than I gave them credit for. Over the last 25 years I have far and away seen more people go out of their way for Tyler than I ever imagined would. Most people will hold a door, lend a smile, or show support wherever they can. Of course I have come across some buttholes, but they are in the thin minority.
#3- If you don't become your own advocate you will be screwed. Every agency has 100 employees who knock door-to-door every day and tell special needs families what they are eligible for. You haven't seen one on your street? That's because it doesn't exist. It's up to US to ask questions, research, and claw for every benefit we can get. The more educated you make yourself, the better things will become.
#4- Being a team player pays off at every turn. I will be blunt here. Nobody does favors for an asshole. Think about it, we all have a neighbor who acts like a jerk, or a coworker, or a family member. Do we go out of our way to help them? No way. But similar people who help you or treat you kindly you will do anything for them. It's human nature. When you carry a kind and team-oriented attitude your special person will receive better care. The respect you give will be the respect given back to your special person.
#5- Your health matters...a lot. Even in the best of times, humans are generally fragile. Or fra-gee-lay if you have watched Christmas Story as often as I have. There is a balance that must be maintained or the body and mind will start to reject your personal plan and start going into business for itself. We can tell ourselves anything we like, but our body has a way of making decisions on its own.
The smartest people I know are the ones who do their very best and then once a situation is over will sit back and evaluate what they can use as teaching moments. They know when they need to be a changing force, and when they need to be willing to change for themselves.
Figure out as a caregiver what each experience is trying to teach you. Be willing to be open minded and accepting to where the story takes you. Above all else remember that we are serving another person, and their needs come before any personal feelings.
Be well and God bless. Tom
Thursday, July 26, 2018
And Then This Happened
Its been a rough week for all of us....
Tyler currently is not feeling well. His digestive system will slow at times and become filled up with gas. The result is he becomes quite bloated and will sometimes even get sick because things aren't able to cycle through. He also has ringworm which is being treated with a cream at the moment. Poor guy....he deserves a free pass from ever getting ailments.
On Monday I left work as usual, hopped in my Jeep, and it wouldn't start. In fact, it didn't make a sound, turn over, or anything. We tried to use jumper cables to no avail. We were able to pop the clutch and get it to start just enough for me to drive it to my mechanic.
But OH NO...this was not the end of it. Since we have been getting rain by the buckets over the last week, our basement decided to become an indoor swimming pool. Carpet ruined, miscellaneous items ruined, drywall ruined. What a mess.
Shall I go to the rooftop and scream at the top of my lungs? Shall I go home and yell at the dogs for no reason? Shall I throw a tantrum?? You know what I did?????
I remembered how blessed I am, and everything felt okay. I remembered that needing to fix my Jeep means I am blessed enough to have one. Needing to repair my home means I have a roof over my head. Friends, family, and co-workers offered to lend a hand. Neighbors continue to ask how things are going. That means we have people who care about us and love us. Tyler is safe and supremely cared for even when he feels bad.
Carpet is just fabric and padding. Something that you walk on. A Jeep is just a piece of machinery that helps you come and go.
The important things can never be lost no matter how much it rains.
I am blessed.
Be well and God bless. Tom
Tyler currently is not feeling well. His digestive system will slow at times and become filled up with gas. The result is he becomes quite bloated and will sometimes even get sick because things aren't able to cycle through. He also has ringworm which is being treated with a cream at the moment. Poor guy....he deserves a free pass from ever getting ailments.
On Monday I left work as usual, hopped in my Jeep, and it wouldn't start. In fact, it didn't make a sound, turn over, or anything. We tried to use jumper cables to no avail. We were able to pop the clutch and get it to start just enough for me to drive it to my mechanic.
But OH NO...this was not the end of it. Since we have been getting rain by the buckets over the last week, our basement decided to become an indoor swimming pool. Carpet ruined, miscellaneous items ruined, drywall ruined. What a mess.
Shall I go to the rooftop and scream at the top of my lungs? Shall I go home and yell at the dogs for no reason? Shall I throw a tantrum?? You know what I did?????
I remembered how blessed I am, and everything felt okay. I remembered that needing to fix my Jeep means I am blessed enough to have one. Needing to repair my home means I have a roof over my head. Friends, family, and co-workers offered to lend a hand. Neighbors continue to ask how things are going. That means we have people who care about us and love us. Tyler is safe and supremely cared for even when he feels bad.
Carpet is just fabric and padding. Something that you walk on. A Jeep is just a piece of machinery that helps you come and go.
The important things can never be lost no matter how much it rains.
I am blessed.
Be well and God bless. Tom
Monday, July 23, 2018
Gifts
On Sunday Pastor Dave talked about GIFTS. The gifts being talked about were those that we can lend to the church, and to mankind. That each of us are born with, or develop, certain abilities that we can share with other people.
My mother-in-law and I are doing a sugar cake fundraiser for Tyler's Bibles. Our goal is to raise about $400 so that 10 more Bibles can be purchased for those who need them. My part is to come up with the idea, bring it to life, and sell it. Her part is to make the cakes. We are using our particular gifts in combination to reach our goal. Could Mom do my part and I do hers? Probably to some extent....but we are better if we stick to what we know we do well. Mom believes this so emphatically that she has barred me from the kitchen when we make these fundraising cakes.
We cannot overlook Tyler's gift in this endeavor. He was given a smile, a spirit, a soul which speaks to every person with an open heart and an ability to listen to it. He shines love from his heart that inspires people to use their own gifts. Perhaps this is the most blessed gift of all; inspiring others to use their gifts. It is love perpetuating love.
My wife on the other hand doesn't know what her gift is. In fact, she believes (incorrectly) that she may not have one at all. She would be the first to tell you she isn't a public speaker, inventor, teacher, or writer by nature. What she forgets is that she is one of those rare people that succeeds in supporting others.
To explain, Pastor Dave is a gifted speaker. BUT, unless he had a solid supporting cast around him doing great work it would be exponentially more difficult to deliver the message. He has to have someone operate the sound and video board. He needs a Music Director. He needs Joan to set up the board. He needs Cele to work behind the scenes to have food ready and do the nursery and generally keep him from getting out of line.
A GIFT is not necessarily standing a public and visible thing, it can simply be providing the foundation for which another person can stand and use theirs. My wife gave Tyler the very life that he now uses to inspire others. She keeps my world together so that I can chase inspiration where it leads me.
Love each other....like Tyler does....and I promise you will discover your gifts very quickly.
Be well and God Bless. Tom
My mother-in-law and I are doing a sugar cake fundraiser for Tyler's Bibles. Our goal is to raise about $400 so that 10 more Bibles can be purchased for those who need them. My part is to come up with the idea, bring it to life, and sell it. Her part is to make the cakes. We are using our particular gifts in combination to reach our goal. Could Mom do my part and I do hers? Probably to some extent....but we are better if we stick to what we know we do well. Mom believes this so emphatically that she has barred me from the kitchen when we make these fundraising cakes.
We cannot overlook Tyler's gift in this endeavor. He was given a smile, a spirit, a soul which speaks to every person with an open heart and an ability to listen to it. He shines love from his heart that inspires people to use their own gifts. Perhaps this is the most blessed gift of all; inspiring others to use their gifts. It is love perpetuating love.
My wife on the other hand doesn't know what her gift is. In fact, she believes (incorrectly) that she may not have one at all. She would be the first to tell you she isn't a public speaker, inventor, teacher, or writer by nature. What she forgets is that she is one of those rare people that succeeds in supporting others. To explain, Pastor Dave is a gifted speaker. BUT, unless he had a solid supporting cast around him doing great work it would be exponentially more difficult to deliver the message. He has to have someone operate the sound and video board. He needs a Music Director. He needs Joan to set up the board. He needs Cele to work behind the scenes to have food ready and do the nursery and generally keep him from getting out of line.
A GIFT is not necessarily standing a public and visible thing, it can simply be providing the foundation for which another person can stand and use theirs. My wife gave Tyler the very life that he now uses to inspire others. She keeps my world together so that I can chase inspiration where it leads me.
Love each other....like Tyler does....and I promise you will discover your gifts very quickly.
Be well and God Bless. Tom
Sunday, July 15, 2018
Eye Saw the Light
I was at the eye doctor yesterday. The doctor and I continue to ponder how much longer it will be until I need to have reading glasses. False teeth and a rocking chair are right around the corner!
As I have written before, it seems that I have a habit of striking up conversations with other special needs parents. This day would be no different.
After the appointment I went to the check-out area. I struck up a light conversation with the young girl (lets call her Heather), telling her how much I like Dr. Lisa. She proceeded to tell me how well the doctor always treats the staff. Heather continued to explain that she is a special needs mom, and the doctor supports her in so many ways. I could tell that without that crucial emotional support Heather's life would be much more difficult. I eagerly gave her this blog address and welcomed her to come read any time. I hope God blesses her with peace, comfort, and strength for all of her days.
An important takeaway is how valuable Dr. Lisa is in her life. Because the doctor supports her and allows her the ability to tend to her child as needed, Heather has less pressure in her life. In the work history of both Robin and I we know what its like to have supportive bosses, and what its like to work for non-supportive bosses. The difference is incredible. Many special needs parent WANT to work hard and earn a decent living while at the same time being there for the child as much as humanly possible. It's like living a double life really.
For those of us who play the roles of boss, or neighbor, or friend, or any other role alongside of a special needs parent, please remember how just the slightest show of support will change their lives. And if you are a special needs parent, do everything in your power to work for people that will give you that support. After all....you and your child deserve it.
Be well and God bless. Tom
As I have written before, it seems that I have a habit of striking up conversations with other special needs parents. This day would be no different.
After the appointment I went to the check-out area. I struck up a light conversation with the young girl (lets call her Heather), telling her how much I like Dr. Lisa. She proceeded to tell me how well the doctor always treats the staff. Heather continued to explain that she is a special needs mom, and the doctor supports her in so many ways. I could tell that without that crucial emotional support Heather's life would be much more difficult. I eagerly gave her this blog address and welcomed her to come read any time. I hope God blesses her with peace, comfort, and strength for all of her days.
An important takeaway is how valuable Dr. Lisa is in her life. Because the doctor supports her and allows her the ability to tend to her child as needed, Heather has less pressure in her life. In the work history of both Robin and I we know what its like to have supportive bosses, and what its like to work for non-supportive bosses. The difference is incredible. Many special needs parent WANT to work hard and earn a decent living while at the same time being there for the child as much as humanly possible. It's like living a double life really.
For those of us who play the roles of boss, or neighbor, or friend, or any other role alongside of a special needs parent, please remember how just the slightest show of support will change their lives. And if you are a special needs parent, do everything in your power to work for people that will give you that support. After all....you and your child deserve it.
Be well and God bless. Tom
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