One Thing

I often hear Pastor Dave say things during his message that instantly bring me to a blog post.  This Sunday he said (I am paraphrasing) "Let your main thing be your main thing".  I like that thought and what just a few simple words can mean.

It made me think of the old movie City Slickers when Curly said the meaning of life was just one thing...

For quite a while everyone was trying to figure out what the heck that ONE THING Curly was talking about.  What he meant was, that thing is whatever is most important to you. Like Pastor Dave said...let your main thing be your main thing.  Ask yourself what makes you happy and let that be your focus.  That isn't to say that you can't have other priorities too. We all have facets of our lives that we hold in various degrees of importance.

For me, it makes me happiest to be a person that Tyler, my family, my neighbors, and my friends can trust and rely on.  I enjoy spending time with all of them and making memories in our experiences together.  Even when I'm working, I want those relationships to be fulfilling and meaningful.  That's my one thing.

If I focus on my main thing, the small stuff won't bother me so much.  It keeps things in proper perspective and makes me feel less disorganized.  It makes little annoyances roll right off of me.  

Find your one thing....your main thing....that brings you a sense of happiness.  Keep focused on that feeling and don't give focus to the negatives.  You might be surprised how things can become more clear in your life.

Be well and God bless.....Tom

Tribute

Sadly, the majority of caregivers experience the loss of those they are caring for.  That special person may move to a care facility, some may lose all cognitive function, and many will pass away.  Regardless of the circumstances, it can be a tremendously painful end to the earthly journey with them.  

I dedicate this to all those who have experienced this heartache, and to my beloved Miller family who are facing a very difficult time.  Our love is with you always.


"Tribute"

Waking up from my bed today, I saw your picture on my wall
It was a better time, a happy time
Like looking through a window to another place
I can almost feel myself back there again

My reflection appears vaguely on the glass
Just like that picture, I am no longer the same
The image now seems a lifetime ago
You can only continue on in my memories

I go about the day like I always did
But nothing ever looks the same
Like wearing a coat made of steel
I carry the weight of a thousand yesterdays

Every step I take, you take with me
When I laugh I can feel you laughing too
When I cry your hand is on my shoulder
As I walk, you gently urge me forward

I breathe each breath as my tribute to you
Your spirit carried in my heart and soul
By living on, you live on with me
The memories stay alive and well

Before bed I see that picture once more
Like a mirage I can't touch that moment
But I can carry you to my dreams
And maybe there we can meet again

This I promise you with all my heart
We will be made whole again some day
And like that picture on the wall
We will see a better time, a happy time, for all time


This was for you J, C, B, B, H, M, K.  And of course Grandma B.  May peace, love, grace, and only good memories follow you on your journey.

Tommy  

Happy Birthday Tyler!

25 years ago today Tyler was born.  Its an incredible thing when I think about it.  

One thing I know for sure is that whether I look at a picture from when he was 5, 15, or now 25, he makes me smile.  Its the first thing that comes across me.  Its never about the hard times.  Its about how proud of him we are, and how much we love him.

I think about the hugs, the laughs, and the walks together.  For all of the ups and downs, I wouldn't trade a minute with him for all of the world.  

So, happy 25th Birthday to my beautiful and courageous son.  You have been an inspiration to me and so many other people.
We love you. 

Tyler is Sick

Its one of my biggest nightmares.  And I'd be willing to bet its one of the biggest nightmares for the majority of the caregiving community.  My non-verbal son is sick.

Tyler has a history of medical issues such as only having one kidney, seizures, bowel obstructions, and shunt blockages.  So when there is an illness, my mind immediately goes through the process of eliminating all of the worst possibilities.

Since Tyler is not verbal, he isn't able to help us diagnose what may be going on.  He will actually become more defensive when he is hurt or sick, which makes his treatment all the more difficult.  This means we have to be on our toes and pay attention to even the most subtle of physical queues.  Its not an exact science by any means, but there are a few things you can consider when it comes to how to care for someone who is non-verbal.  Here is what I evaluate:

• Is Tyler eating and drinking like normal?  When his intake slows severely or stops I consider the situation to be more urgent
• Is Tyler showing signs of pain or discomfort?  I monitor where the pain is, the severity, and how long it sticks around
• How aggressive is he?  The worse he feels the more defensive he will become
• How is Tyler's bowel output?  
• What is his overall activity level and disposition?

Since Tyler has difficulty at the doctor's office or hospital, we try to allow him to heal from common illnesses without intervention.  It is a slippery slope however.  We also don't want to wait too long and cause him to become worse or encounter complications.  

If you are a caregiver and find that this is a struggle for you too, here is what I suggest to help:

1. Know what their "baseline" is.  In other words, what is that person like when everything is fine?  How much do they eat, drink. sleep, etc.
2. Know what symptoms would cause an immediate call for care
3. Have a plan for caring for more common illness, flu, etc
4. Have a plan for 2nd level of care from urgent care, specialists, etc.
5. When new symptoms or confusing signals present themselves, consult your doctor to begin the care process
6. Above all else, try to use sound judgement and take a team approach.  Let the symptoms be your guide

With any luck, Tyler simply has a stomach bug (like practically every one else right now) and will be back on his feet soon.  For now....we watch and wait.....

Be well and God bless.   Tom

The Animal

   

Good Evening.  What a beautiful weekend we had here in PA to be outside and enjoy our friends and neighbors.

This past week a famous wrestler from the 80's passed away.  His name was George "The Animal" Steele.  For those of you who have no idea who The Animal was, he was a unique man.  He appeared to have the IQ of a small child, and the body hair of a Sasquatch.  His tongue was green, and his favorite snack was chewing on the corner turnbuckle.  He often wrestled as a "bad guy" but occasionally found himself cheered by the crowd.  

To look at him you would realize the best thing to do is put your head down and walk on the other side of the street.  Many of us as kids would go to wrestling events and be glad there was a guardrail separating us from a crazy monster.

That man's real name was Jim Myers.  Jim earned a degree in science from Michigan State, and a masters degree from Central Michigan.  He became a teacher, wrestling coach, and football coach and was later named to the Michigan Coaches Hall of Fame.  Mr. Myers was also a devoted Christian, husband, and father.  He was known as a kind man outside of the ring who loved to mentor and teach.

Like "The Animal", so many of us have been judged by what we look like on the outside.  I know I have.  And I know it has happened to Tyler.  Some people may have looked at Tyler's outward appearance, or heard his noises, and decided things about him without looking inside his heart.  Its a shame because they would be missing one of the most joyous people they could ever know.  They could never know how such a big heart could come in such a small outer package.

It's a lesson that Tyler can teach us all; that outside appearances are no way to judge the heart of a person.  Outside appearances do not measure a person's warmth, sense of humor, or intelligence.  We cannot experience their true gifts unless we take the time to know what is on the inside.  

Let's treat each other well not for what is on the outside, but the beauty that is within.

Be well and God bless.    Tom