Vices

Raise your hand if you have a vice which helps you cope.  Raise them nice and high.

Now, either you have your hand raised, or you are lying through your pearly whites. I have yet to meet the person who doesn't have a coping mechanism.  Just the same, I meet few people who will admit that they have one....or two...or.....

Some vices can be more lethal than others.  But every vice can be very damaging if left unchecked.  There is a very thin line between a vice which is healthy versus one that is not. Consider:

If your vice is to look forward each day to a small glass of wine while meditating in a dark room before bed, that seems reasonably healthy to me.  If your vice is to drink a full bottle while smearing lipstick on your face and listening to baby Rhinos being taken from their mothers, there might be an issue.  It's all relative.

Vices come in so many shapes and forms; shopping, alcohol, drugs, food, tobacco, hoarding, and on and on.  With most of them, moderation is the key.  Too much of anything is a bad thing.

My hand is raised....I have vices.  Alcohol and food are my particular favorites.  Food is the sneakiest one of them all.  Food is something legal that we all HAVE to have every day.  Its not like we are going to get arrested for ordering a Big Mac right?  And somehow it fills this void of anxiety.  It's filling and comforting!  So why not get the milkshake too?  Its something we can do in the privacy of our own home and everyone else can just mind their own business.  Nobody will ever know.  Until we have to lay on our bed to button our jeans and our blood pressure pins the needle.    

I can honestly say I only ever took drugs twice in my entire life.  The last was when I was about 16 and I smoked some marijuana.  We smoked it in the car and then walked through the mall.  I was giggling like a school girl and checking my jeans because it felt like I had peed myself.  That is a true story.  I'm quite sure I accomplished nothing else than looking like a giggling idiot who thought he peed himself.  I never touched the stuff again.  Alcohol is somewhat more friendly in that you seemingly know what you are getting, its legal, and somewhat fashionable to do.  So, when in need of a stress reliever, it's an easy go-to.  That is until you drive, pass out and bump your head, or do something you would rather not remember.  

As caregivers we have unbelievable stress and anxiety.  In fact, many people cannot cope at all with being caregivers.  Its only natural to find a release in order to feel better or at least lessen the weight of the world.  When these vices are done in moderation (except illegal drugs) I believe they have their place.  On a nice day, I like to smoke a dark cigar and sit on the deck.  Once a week I like to sip a bourbon and watch sports.  But when they are taken to an extreme, or when our very mood depends on them, we have to take a step back and get some guidance.

Do you have a vice that might be unhealthy?  Do you lean on something to just make it through each day?  Does something effect your time and energy in a negative way?  If you raise your hand to these questions, please seek some assistance.  The special needs community, and your family, needs you at your best.  The comfort you feel immediately always seems to turn into regret late.  There is NO SHAME in asking for help.

Be well, God bless, and seek help if you need it.   Tom