Searching For Normal

Good Evening.

I've addressed on a few occasions that finding a sense of normalcy once Tyler moved into his new home was a more difficult challenge than I had ever expected.  I wanted to offer some thoughts now that more significant time has gone by.

I still think back to the advice that my therapist offered me even before the move took place when he said that we should avoid abrupt and major changes to routine or surroundings.  At the same time, we haven't curled up in a ball either.  I think the fact that Tyler is thriving in his new surroundings has been a major contributor to our own mindset.  

For about 6 months we did little things that were difficult before.  We played mini golf, went out to eat, went to the movies, etc.  We even just took time to learn how to move around the house without worrying about space buffering and word signals as to what direction everyone was heading.  After that we took a weekend in Cincinnati to see some sites.  A bit after that we spent a week at the beach.  Now we have some holidays away from the house and visit other people's parties and gatherings.

We have even had the same philosophy concerning the house.  First we did some furniture rearranging since some of his items were moved away.  Later we painted his old room and moved my home office into that space.  Since then we have made a few minor upgrades and changes but nothing too major.

The point is, once you enter your special person into care, DO NOT underestimate the difficulty level it will have on your own system.  I thought that I would suddenly breathe deep breaths, read novels on the porch, and instantly lower my blood pressure.  Ha.  Instead I went through a period of time where I was facing blood tests that required more tests.  This along with the changes with Tyler caused me to turn to a steady diet of Lorazapam to control my anxiety.  That worked fine until I wanted to get back off of them.  At that point I experienced bounce back symptoms far worse than the original symptoms.  I was having trouble holding it together.  I'm still seemingly struggling to get 100% healthy.  This week my BP was like 140 over "holy shit" so I have to watch that again.

In all seriousness, its getting better.  But it isn't easy and I'm sure I will never be what I used to be in some ways.  However, the situation isn't what it used to be either.  I have had to learn to evaluate where I am TODAY and not how it once was.  I can't just flip a switch and suddenly be more relaxed or less anxious.  The mind and body don't work that way.

I've said this many times before, this is where faith, family, and friends are there to walk with you and help show you the way down your new path.  

Be well and God bless.  Tom