Friday, March 25, 2016

Tyler Update

As we approach Easter weekend we have a mix of emotions.  On the upside, we are thankful that Tyler has found a way of life that seems to be making him happier than he was toward the end at home.  The downside is...well...dealing with the truth that he is happier now than he was with us.

There is always that feeling of "we should".  Like the fact that it is Easter and "we should" have him with us.  This feeling had driven us for years.  At Halloween "we should" take him around the neighborhood dressed in a costume and holding a bucket.  Yet he hated wearing costumes and he didn't understand what in the hell we were doing knocking on doors and then not going in.  After 3 houses he was swinging his bucket and kicking our shins.  And yet we did it again every year because "we should".  At one point we figured out that doing something because we felt we should only served us and not him.  It wasn't intentional of course, it was just us doing the best we could.

The reports from his day program this week were that he we happy all week.  His residential caregivers said he has been great at the house for the majority of staff members.  He is loving doing chores like loading and unloading the dishwasher, helping to make dinner, vacuuming, and making his bed.  He is getting out into the community a little more as time goes on.  The trust in his caregivers has grown slowly but steadily.

So this is where the difference between the "we should" and true reality of the situation comes into play.  The reality is he is growing in his new surroundings.  With each new experience he is learning to trust his staff, and they are learning to give him the support he needs.  Two staff members are having a gathering at one of their homes on Easter and having Tyler and his housemate over for dinner and bocce.  He will be well taken care of and his stress level will be much less than if we tried to bring him into our family activities.

It's a hard reality.  But it doesn't have to be the permanent reality as we hope someday we can bring his old world and his new world closer together.  But for now it's about letting him grow and continue becoming this strong young man.  And for now "we should" support him by allowing him to grow.

Happy Easter.  Be well and good luck.  Tom

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