Saturday, January 13, 2018

The Right Time

Probably one of the most frequent questions that I get from caregivers is "how did you know it was the right time to place Tyler into a residential home?".  

The first thing to understand is that I believe that declaring the "right time" is a fools paradise.  There really is no such thing.  I don't believe there is a right time to get married, or have children, or change careers, or put a pet to sleep, or place a loved one in someone else's care.  I believe we make sensible decisions and then we do our best to make them work out the way we hope for.

In Tyler's case, as it so often is, it wasn't about one single thing.  It was a totality of things.  It was Tyler seeming to be unhappy and discontented.  It was about our daughter getting more resentful toward having to live her life under special circumstances.  It was about our caseworker sensing where we were in our lives and shining a bright light onto it.  And it was about things falling together at the right time.  

My very good friend, author, and artist, Tom Newnam, is currently writing a book that centers around the mentality that we all need to quiet our thinking and allow positive forces to take over in our lives.  Essentially we need to listen and see the signs around us instead of trying to force our will onto everything we do.  It sounds like the thinking of an old hippy or The Big Lebowski, but there truly is an inner peace that can be found by flowing with the world as opposed to swimming against the current.

Our situation became more and more clear as Tyler reached his early 20's.  Despite my denial, I knew in my heart that being out of school was making him more discontented.  I knew Sam was struggling with trying to grow up with a severely autistic brother.  I was continually facing my own health issues.  Fortunately we also had a case manager who encouraged me to open up about all of these feelings.  Then, we let it all go.  

So back to the main did I decide it was the right time.  The answer is that I didn't decide.  Instead, I trusted the instincts I was feeling.  I listened to the sounds playing around me.  I opened my mind and my eyes.

Make the decision to listen to your inner thoughts and feelings.  Walk your journey with your eyes open and don't miss the way the world is breathing around you.  When you do this, "the right time" will simply come to you, and you will have peace of mind within it.

Be well and God bless.    Tom

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