I have found this to be a very challenging post to write. Last Saturday we embarked on our first trip to the beach since Tyler's moved to his new home.
The first point to make is that we really missed Tyler being with us. The beach and the water make him smile and laugh in ways that we rarely saw anywhere else. Tyler is also a good "shotgun" partner in the car on such long trips. We talked about him a lot especially during the evenings when the sun would be going down and the beach would be clear. Tyler loves wandering the edge of the surf and feeling the ocean breeze. We also talked about how he loves to sit at the waters edge and toss sand into the water for hours on end. It was comforting to think of these memories of our many trips to the beach with him. It would be so great if we could bottle up those good little moments and open them any time we wanted. If only it worked that way...
What makes the post difficult to write is being willing to admit that it was an extremely relaxing vacation. It feels as though that is a disparaging comment about Tyler which of course it is not. Vacations were always good, but a lot of work and stress. Every single detail had to be planned just right to keep the world in balance. An unexpected event could lead to real trouble and a potential danger to him or others. And we always worried that Tyler could inadvertently cause damage to the condo or bedding. It was one part fun and two parts walking on egg shells. As Ty has gotten older he has enjoyed it less when his routine is interrupted. Often by the end of the vacation he wants nothing but to know he is heading home.
This year was obviously different for all of us. I am especially happy for Samantha that she was able to really relax and do some things on her own terms. She enjoyed being a carefree footloose seven year old! She ate in restaurants, played mini golf, and made a new friend on the beach that she played with every day.
I would say overall it was part of this decompression process since November. Tyler is still learning how to be an independent young adult, and we are still learning how to live without the challenges of daily autism life. It really is about finding a new balance and it isn't as simple as one might believe it to be. But knowing that Tyler is secure and happy is allowing us to explore our new circumstances.
Be well and God Bless. Tom
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